My daughter, Alex, is 17 and recently gave birth to a healthy baby boy. She has been living with her boyfriend since her 6th month of pregnancy because I live too far from her doctor. I was against her living there. But in the state of Georgia, 17 is the legal age to move out. All the worrying around her moving was pretty hard on me so I spoke to her 2-3 times a day to keep up with anything and everything going on.
On Sunday, July 26, at 11 pm I called my daughter after getting out of the movies to tell her good night and check on the lil man. My daughter didn’t answer the phone. Ray’s (Alex’s boyfriend) sister answered the phone and began to tell me something I never even thought to fear. She told me that the past Friday night, during an argument between Alex and Ray, he slapped her across the face while she was holding the baby. She felt embarrassed and ashamed so she did not tell anyone what had happened.
Two days later on Sunday night, she had been invited by some friends to go out to dinner. Ray thought she should stay at home because he was at home. She said she was going and another argument ensued. He grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the wall, grabbed her arms and slung her around the room, knocking into several items before finally pinning her down on the bed. Her friends showed up at this point and he let her up. Her friend, Krystal, insisted that she call the cops and report it, which she did not want to do. She didn’t want me to know either because she planned on returning after a “cool” down period of a few days. Ray was arrested that night on two counts of domestic assault and one count of child endangerment.
The past few weeks, we have learned of other things going on in their relationship, such as mental abuse. He would tell her that she was stupid, fat, and ugly almost daily. He also did not allow her to go places without him. If she did she had to “check in” regularly or stay on the phone with him while she was out. She is also not the first girl he’s abused.
Since that night, my family and friends have been trying to build her back up. Letting her know that she is beautiful and smart and reminding her of her strengths and ways of working on her weaknesses. It is nothing short of amazing to see her eyes when the fog started to lift!
We do not discuss the events of that night anymore. We discuss mommy things, school, college, future plans and dreams, and how she can achieve them. It has seemed to really calm her and assure her of herself once again. I am starting to see my daughter again.
It is so important to empower young women to believe in themselves. They need to know that they are special and powerful over their own lives. I was not prepared to deal with this issue. I was unaware of how often this happens.
Educate yourself and your children. Talk to your sons about respect for women. Talk to your daughters about respect for themselves. WHY?
Alex is now finishing her high school education and has plans to go to college. She is currently looking for a job and staying with friends in a safe place. There is a stay away against Ray and his trial is pending on the two misdemeanors and felony charges that he faces.
Everyone should know the facts. Stopping the abuse starts at home with our own kids.
**facts were taken from The Lindsay Ann Burke Memorial Fund
Karen, thanks so much for sharing your story. Domestic violence is so often over looked and the victim made to feel guilty/responsible for the abuse. Glad to hear your daughter is out of the situation.
Check out the teen dating violence social learning website, http://www.teendatingviolence.ning.com for lessons to educate yourself and your teen about teen dating violence.
Many things in your story touch me.
First, thank you for sharing, in hopes that it helps even ONE person think twice about abuse (offender or victim).
I’m thankful for the friends that chose to get involved, many don’t. And many more are never given the opportunity either way because it is so hidden.
I’m soooo thankful your daughter is out of the relationship and I hope it stays that way.