The Children Caught in the Middle
April 28, 2008 | 4 Comments
There are over half a million children in the foster care system in the United States today and I am partially to blame. As a board member of SCAN (Stop Child Abuse Now) I know that our organization, through the DSS and courts, is responsible for making recommendations that sometimes call for removing endangered children from their family members.
I can’t imagine anything more frightening to a child than being taken from their family and placed in a home with total strangers. Despite the abuse, most children desperately want to stay with their natural family. However, over 40% of children in foster care are with non-family members.
A very close friend of mine has been a foster child his whole life. Growing up in South Central Los Angeles, he lived with a couple he still calls his parents after 46 years yet they never adopted him because he was their source of income. Some of his stories would make you cry; not just because they are tough to hear, but because you realize that even the little morsels of care he received made him grateful. He defends them to this day despite it all.
Thankfully, most foster parents provide a loving safe haven for children. According to the non-profit organization FosterClub, abuse is the number one social concern among teens in the U.S. Clearly a foster home offers a sense of protection. But, beyond the fear of abuse, how do foster children cope with the typical struggles that go along with growing up?
Thanks to organizations like FosterClub, there are wonderful resources available for foster children. FosterClub is a non-profit organization created to “provide encouragement, motivation, information, education, and benefits for foster youth.” Their 3 websites: FosterClub.com, FosterClub.org and Fyi3.com were created for a place for kids to got to ask questions, learn about other successful foster youth, share opinions about their own foster experiences, get recognition and support for overcoming obstacles, enter contests and more according to their website.
They also provide publications to help the youth, events especially for the youth, and even an outreach program where foster kids can work with child welfare professionals to develop effective ways to communicate wtih foster children.
FosterClub.com servers as their primary communication tool with youth and is a “hub of information related to foster care, including articles written by young people..message boards, contests and even biographies of famous people who grew up in foster care. It’s youth-friendly, interactive, and available 24/7″.
FYI3.com is a website designed for youth preparing to transition out of foster care. It offers an incredible array of resources to help the youth become independent.
FosterClub.org is their website designed for adults; particularly those who support and care for young people in foster care.
In a world where foster youth may feel different, alone or isolated, it is so important for them to know there are such great resources available just for them.
Want to learn more about how foster care works:
How Does the Child Welfare System Work?
http://nccanch.acf.hhs.gov/pubs/factsheets/cpswork.cfm
A Child’s Journey Through the Child Welfare System
http://pewfostercare.org/docs/index.php?DocID=24
How it Works: The Foster Care System
http://people.howstuffworks.com/foster-care.htm
A Family’s Guide to the Child Welfare System
http://www.cwla.org/childwelfare/familyguide.htm
Foster Care Glossary of Terms
http://www.fosterclub.com/fostercareFacts/glossary.cfm
Foster Care Questions & Answers for Youth
http://www.fosterclub.com/fostercareFacts/QA.cfm
Giving Back Because I Can
November 7, 2007 | 5 Comments
I am a lucky girl, and I know it.
I have a good husband who is crazy about me, and after 17 years I’m still in love with him, too. I can appreciate him even more because my first marriage wasn’t so warm.
I have two smart, beautiful daughters.
I was able to keep them fed, safe and loved throughout their developmental years, and now that they’re a little older, we can provide a few extras for them, too. I know I appreciate my children, because I once lost one.
I have a good life.
I give because I know what I have is precious, and I want everyone to have a chance at a life they’ll love as much as I love mine. It doesn’t hurt me at all to give blood, so I do, as often as I can. I make more. Maybe I bought someone else some more time here. A little of my time for their life? Bargain.
When I’m gone, I’ll be an organ donor.
I’ve informed my husband and kids that they are, too. They don’t really care either way, their attitude is, “Well, if I’m not using it … “ Exactly. It would help to know that in our loss, someone else will be spared the same pain. It would hurt me far more not to give.
I also signed up recently as a bone marrow donor. I’ll tell you why.
I’ve been raging a little internally about my own helplessness in the face of death. A friend of my daughter’s killed himself. One of my friends is fighting breast cancer, again. And my favorite uncle has an aggressive cancer in his brain. There’s not a thing I can do about any of it. I hate to feel this helpless. I was nearly swimming in my despair, it was so deep. I was letting what I couldn’t do become the focus. So I shifted my train of thought and wondered what I could do.
I remembered Trevor Kott.
Trevor was a beautiful little boy who needed a bone marrow transplant. A match wasn’t found in time, and he died. I wanted to sign up for Trevor – or anyone like him – but I was too late. Faced with my fear and feeling useless, Trevor’s sweet little face came to mind. I realized I can’t do anything about the people that I have lost, or the ones I may lose sooner than I want. But I CAN help someone else in their battle.
I went to the National Bone Marrow Registry and signed up. I paid $52 to cover the cost of tissue typing and was sent a little kit with what looks like ginormous Q-tips. I rubbed the swabs around in my mouth a little, like I was brushing my teeth, and now they’re ready to drop in the mail.
I feel better.
I hope I will be a match for someone. If I am, I’ll give up about 30-40 hours of my time. They’ll check to verify that I am indeed a good match for that someone in need, and then the doctors will decide how to collect bone marrow from me. It will either be similar to giving blood, or it may be a simple surgical procedure where bone marrow is removed from my hip. Either way, have at it. I’ll make more. I might be sore for a few days, but within six weeks my body will replace everything I gave.
I can save someone, and it won’t hurt me to give.
I realize: I am lucky I have $52 that I can spare. I am lucky that I have been loved so well in this life that I can’t bear for anyone else not to get a chance at life, too. I am lucky that I heard about Trevor, because he helped me feel better when I was really lacking hope. I am lucky that sometimes good health is something we can share.
Thank you, Trevor, for what you gave me.
Sometimes We Just Get Lucky…
October 10, 2007 | 1 Comment
Have you ever had to take a step back from life and think, “how did I get so lucky?” I’ve had to pinch myself lately as I think about all of the good things that have happened in my life over the past few years.
Here is just one example:
You might remember a while back how a little boy named Trevor Kott engraved his name on my heart…
This chubby little cherub had me front and center when I heard about how desperately he needed a bone marrow transplant. I felt compelled to act as did my friends, Rocky and Tracy. We collectively held 3 separate bone marrow drives for Trevor, both in Illinois and California… but unfortunately a match was never found.
Trevor passed away on April 25th, 2007. He was only 6 months old.
To my surprise, I got an e-mail a few months later from Trevor’s mom Angela Kott. She had planned a trip to Chicago for a seminar with her friend Crystal for the last weekend of September. I was so excited to finally meet this pillar of strength; this woman who so eloquently shared Trevor’s life and message with us. Angela is a gem and so is her friend Crystal.
I picked them up from Midway airport at took them to their hotel, during which we were able to talk and get to know one another. It was like talking to old friends, and I looked forward to seeing them again.
We made plans for the next day, but I quickly turned our dinner plans to an early lunch after learning about an event at my kids school that night. Oh, boy… that would prove to be a big mistake!!!
The problem was our youngest son “Bugsy” is a screamer, and by screamer I mean “SCREAMER”!
This kid will kill your ear-drums with one shrill ear-piercing scream. Unfortunately for us, he didn’t just scream once, twice… three or even four times; he SCREAMED the entire meal! People were relieved to leave the restaurant because of him. Nothing makes for faster friends, than the humor in an uncontrollable baby who won’t stop screaming and scares away the other customers! He’s only 13 months old there was no reasoning. I have no idea why he does this, but I was SOOOOO over it by the end of lunch I probably could have cried.
Oh wait, I did…
I forgot about the part when Angela handed me a beautifully wrapped gift.
I immediately asked her if it was going to make me cry, and she quickly said, “no….”.
She was wrong.
Tears immediately filled my eyes when I saw the the beautifully framed photo of Trevor and his mom! Even more difficult were the words that followed… “Julie, thank you for making a difference.”
I have no idea why Trevor tugged so hard at my heart strings. Maybe because someday the drive I held will someday save someone else’s life. Maybe it was to open my eyes to the life that swirls around me. Maybe it was to remind to be thankful for the things I take for granted.
Angela and Crystal were such a pleasure to get to meet in person. I wish I had more time to get to know them both better. Our visit was too short. ( but in so many ways… much too noisy to prolong! 
Trevor will always have a special place in my heart. I’ll never stop telling the world all about the little boy who inspired me into action, and made me believe that for him, winning wasn’t everything… it’s how he played the game.
Mothers Fighting For Others
115 Heroes
May 22, 2007 | Leave a Comment
115 heroes came out on Saturday and signed up with the Marrow Registry.
115 heroes.
I was so proud of each and everyone of them. I sat behind the table and got to know many of them. Heroes from my community. They all had their own reasons for coming out. Some because they were just passing by, some because they lost a loved one, but most sat down in front of me and told me they wanted to give someone a chance to live.
115 heroes.
Mothers, fathers, sisters, children, and teachers came out to show their support. It was a huge success. I was so proud of all of us who worked so hard to get the word out and make this a successful drive. My Marrow coordinator and recruitment specialist, Holly Collier, was amazing. She is a dedicated worker to this amazing cause. She has surrounded herself with others with the same passion. And because of this passion, she is successful at what she does. I wouldn’t want to work with anyone else. We will work together again in the near future.
115 heroes.
One of the heroes that we met on Saturday recently found out that her son was just diagnosed with a life threatening disease. Will he need a marrow donor to save his life? We don’t know yet. But if the answer is yes, you will know where to find us. We will once again start a new drive and help this mother find a match for her son. That’s what mothers do. So, when we have another drive in the next few months, I hope to see your face. I hope you will be a new hero. I hope you will make the decision to be a part of something that is much bigger than ourselves.
Be a Hero. Be a donor.
Our heroes filling out the application.
Me, talking to one of our own local heroes.
Busy, busy getting everyone registered.
You can contact Holly at hcollier@nmdp.org
Dedicated to our own little hero, Trevor Kott.
One of Our Own Making a Difference
May 14, 2007 | Leave a Comment
A few months ago, we at Mother’s Fighting For Others were told about an amazing little boy named Trevor Kott. We were all moved to action. We did our very best to get the word out and get others to get registered with the Bone Marrow Registry. He fought AML, a rare form of leukemia, for over six months. Trevor passed away this past April. We were all so saddened by this news.
The day off his passing, his mother Angela wrote the following,
“I thought my heart would be broken, but instead I realize how much fuller it is for having the privilege to have been Trevor’s mom. We have all been praying for a miracle together, but as Pat reminded me, the miracle happened the day Trevor was born. He has given so much in his short life, I know he was sent here so we all could witness life in its purest form. I don’t have a lot of energy left to write much more, but I felt it was important for Trevor for everyone to look up on this bright sunny day and watch Trevor soar. My precious baby peacefully started his journey to heaven at around 8 o’clock this morning.”
We read Angela’s words and knew what we needed to do. Our work wasn’t over. So we moved forward with our own drives. This past weekend, our own Julie Ferenzi held her own drive in honor of Trevor. You can read about her drive in the Herald News.
I know Julie worked really hard to get this drive moving. I knew nothing was going to stop her. A fellow friend and Cafemom, Tracy, drove an hour to help Julie with her drive on Saturday. The two worked tirelessly and were able to get 50 new donors on the registry list. Julie knew that, “Even though the drive I intended to hold in his honor will no longer benefit him, it will probably save someone else’s life.”
She might save 50.
Great job, Julie. I am so proud to know you and call you my friend.
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